did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
