Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
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He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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