were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
