All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
