my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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