And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
