Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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