True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
