Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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