wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
being pregnant is like rehab
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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