well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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