Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
