He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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