I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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