Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
