This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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