I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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