New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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