WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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