Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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