think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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