ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So much Jack, so little girl.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
