mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
