i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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