he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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