I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
