you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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