i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
