i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
