Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
