I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
