you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
