there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
