Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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