Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
