then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
