Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
