Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
