So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
