I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
