in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
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Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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