I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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