Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
