I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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