Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
