I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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