so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
