you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
