I hate all girls vehemently.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Randomize
