And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
A bitchslap is in order.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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