I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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