a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
