I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
