Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
