grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
